340. How to Create Lasting Sexual Connections with Emily Nagoski

It’s time to have a no-BS discussion about something that all of us have struggled with at some point in our long-term relationships: maintaining a sexual connection. If this speaks to you and you feel like you’re stuck with poor advice on how to navigate the situation, meet our guest, Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author of Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. With scientific evidence, wit, and compassion, Emily joins Jill on POTC to debunk the myths we’ve been fed about sex, show us what real great sex can look like, offer a fresh outlook on what might be blocking us from enjoying sex, and explain how to communicate our sexual desires more effectively. Her insights are sure to revolutionize the way you think about sexual connections and give you a newfound understanding of yourself, your body, and your relationship.

Listen and Learn: 

  • The myths versus the science of sustaining satisfying long-term sexual connections
  • What distinguishes spontaneous and responsive desire from pleasure?
  • Discussing sexual intimacy and desire more effectively using Emily’s accelerator and brake metaphor
  • How care, curiosity, and play can help you move closer to lust
  • The significance of the “third thing” in a relationship
  • Having a clear understanding of you and your partner’s “emotional floorplan” to find your way back to sexual desire
  • The importance of following the sexual rules that work for you and your relationship


About Emily Nagoski

EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling book Come as You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She is here today to talk about her new book, Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. Emily earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

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Episode 340