Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. But this holiday can be challenging for anyone that’s been stung in their relationships. And it’s especially difficult for individuals who’ve experienced an affair or other significant relationship betrayal.
In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael and Dr. Kristina Coop Gordon, co-author of Getting Past the Affair and Helping Couples Get Past the Affair, discuss affairs, major relationship betrayals, and how you CAN (contrary to a common cultural message) heal and get past them. So grab your a box of Valentine’s candy and join us to learn about using emotions for good, effective listening, forgiveness, and much more!
And speaking of celebrating those we love, we at POTC want to celebrate you, our listeners! We’re giving away Dr. Gordon’s book Getting Past the Affair to a few lucky listeners! If you, someone you care about, or those you treat are dealing with an affair, you’ll want this book in your arsenal of tools. This book teaches an assortment of crucial strategies for coping, healing, and moving forward that have been proven to work. For details on how to enter our #bookgiveaway, check out our Instagram, @offtheclockpsych.
Listen and Learn:
- Yael and Debbie’s thoughts on anger and other emotions and when and how they’re useful (and when and how they’re not!)
- How Kristina’s research on forgiveness helps couples
- Dr. Gordon’s expert definition of forgiveness and how to grant it
- Why affairs are so common and how couples can recover from them
- If there are times to not tell your partner about an affair and how to decide if it’s one of those times
- About the three stages of healing from an affair
- What might be happening psychologically for each member of a couple after an affair
- Practical (game-changing!) advice on how to effectively listen to your partner during tough conversations
- The difference in how guilt and shame impact relationships
- Dr. Gordon-approved tips on working through big emotions in ways that serve your values
- Exercises for communicating more effectively with your partner, even in the face of painful feelings
- How to talk about the details of an affair
- Common reasons that partnerships become vulnerable to affairs
- Examples of how Dr. Gordon would approach therapy with couples at various stages of healing
- How Dr. Gordon guides couples through the decision to stay together or not
About Dr. Kristina Coop Gordon:
Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, is Associate Professor and Associate Director of Clinical Training in the clinical psychology program at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville. Her research focuses on forgiveness, infidelity, and couple’s therapy. In Knoxville, she maintains a private practice specializing in couple’s therapy. She is coauthor of the self-help resource Getting Past the Affair and of the related book for professionals, Helping Couples Get Past the Affair.
Resources Mentioned in this Podcast Episode:
- Dr. Gordon’s books, Getting Past the Affair and Helping Couples Get Past the Affair
- Yael and Dr. Gordon’s paper from 2007, Predicting sexual infidelity in population-based sample of married individuals.
- Dr. Gordon’s paper investigating forgiveness in women who were in domestic abuse situations, Predicting the intentions of women in domestic violence shelters to return to partners: Does forgiveness play a role?
- Episode 25. Resilience: Bouncing Back After Difficulty
- Episode 28. Maintaining And Healing Romantic Bonds With Relationship Expert Dr. Yael Schonbrun
- Episode 92. Marriage in Midlife: The Rough Patch with Dr. Daphne de Marneffe
- Episode 126. Surviving Break-Ups and Divorce: How to Mend a Broken Heart, with Yael and Debbie
- Episode 183. Permission to Feel: Emotional Intelligence with Marc Brackett